To assuage these feelings, an avoider can move from relationship to relationship feeling the initial emotional highs of “falling in love” to medicate their feelings of loneliness, depression, and isolation…. Once the relationship becomes more serious and as time goes on, the insecurities come out, and the avoider will want to leave based on all the issues that are coming up.The unfortunate issue is that the avoider will never experience the power and rewards of a steady and stable long-term relationship. In order to feel complex and deep emotions for someone in dating, we need to take risks. I don’t mean to hurt people or make them crazy it’s just what I think inside!It is only in the middle stages where the imperfections are seen that larger issues can begin to develop.
But the toxic effects surface in situations involving intimacy, aggression, abandonment, and fear.The connecting wires are pulled apart and go off sparking.The wires are either put into another new relationship to prohibit the shock of pain and disconnection (in an unhealthy manner), or in remaining alone for a period of time, the brain continues to search for its lost object-the other half of your hormonal regulatory system.You try to speak to them but it never comes out right, it never comes out as the way that you think it should sound. They believe that they should just suck up the pain and work through it themselves At the beginning of the relationship, there is the honeymoon phase where so many chemicals are being released that many logical issues in character traits are not apparent. The “I don’t need you or want you” mentality isolates you from your own feelings and those of others. The crux of it is that there is an inability to love – both to feel it and to give it.
A case is built by the avoider to stop the relationship and to shut down their emotions, such as by being critical, finding faults in the other, and losing sexual interest. Asking certain questions can clarify this : The emotion of love makes us feel vulnerable.