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But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips because He never listened.And when I was a teenager my self-hate grew worse, as you can imagine happens with adolescence.And every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I was the day before.I tried to negotiate with God, I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted, I would listen to my mother’s every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter.And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned.

And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you.What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you.That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul.It was perplexing and I wanted to reject it because I had begun to enjoy the seduction of inadequacy.But a flower couldn’t help but bloom inside of me, when I saw Alek I inadvertently saw a reflection of myself that I could not deny.

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